THANKSGIVING
Today is a day that has been set aside by our American ancestors for us to stop and demonstrate gratitude to one another. I am writing this post to tell each of you what I am thankful for. When I woke up this morning and walked to the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee, I noticed the wind chimes outside my window are singing beautifully. That means that the wind is blowing and the Holy Spirit has reminded me that I am being surrounded with hugs as I venture through this very difficult day.
For the past few months I have been practicing a ritual of asking God what it is that they would have me know. This morning the answer is for me to write this blog to you and begin my daily practice of sharing my story with the world. This past Monday I went to the funeral of a very influential mentor of mine, Amelia “Ann” Harbour. Ann was the youth leader in the church my family lived across the street from in my childhood. My parents didn’t attend church as I will write more about in my books. However, they did encourage us children to go to the church that was conveniently across the street. Vine Street Presbyterian Church. I am thankful that in God’s perfect synchronistic timing they would have me learn that it is possible for me to break the cycle of intergenerational trauma, enjoy life, be valued and love unconditionally. At the funeral Ann’s sister said I remember the Cuzzort’s they were that family of children that lived across the street. That is who we are, the children who that church reached out to in their community and changed my life with their unconditional love. I was able to visit Ann a few weeks before her passing. It was during that visit that I noticed that she was very ill and experiencing dementia. I was reminded of the times we would go to the Harbour home on Sunday evenings. They had a pool table and Ann’s father taught us how to play pool as a bible lesson was discussed. Ann’s mother was a nurse and was very influential in my deciding to pursue a career in nursing. As we sat in Ann’s home once again as older adults, I sat next to Ann and put my head on her shoulder with a tear in my eyes. I told her that I needed a hug. She said, oh dear is it boyfriend problems? I smiled and told her that everyone was talking about their children and grandchildren and I had lost both of my boys. As I explained to her for what I think was the sixth or seventh time I had lost both of my children, she looked at me and said: “you know, God only gives them to us on loan”. Wow, that is true. I didn’t know at that time how soon Ann would be leaving her earthly body. I am writing more about the beautiful conversation I was able to have with her in my books. For today I want to say that I am so thankful that she was an inspirational mentor in my life.
Last Thanksgiving was the last one I would spend with my son, Matthew. I had no idea at that time that this would be the reality I am living today. When I was young, I wanted to be a Mother and I would dream of raising my children in the church, showing them unconditional love and teaching them that all things are possible in their lives. Matthew and Joshua’s father and I tried for 9 years to have children before we were gifted with two amazing son’s. I prayed for God to give me children. They gifted me with the most loving, giving and inspirational young men I have every known. I am thankful for the gift of 22 years of being Joshua’s earthly mother and 33 years of being Matthew’s mother. I have been blessed beyond imagination and the pain I am suffering now is beautiful just like a pearl.
Last week Danny and I went to see episodes 1&2 of season 3 “The Chosen” at the movies. There is a scene where Jesus is talking to “little John”. When asked how he was expected to heal other’s when Jesus would not heal him. Jesus explains to him that his ability to heal despite his affliction would be a deeply inspirational testimony that only he can give. I was reminded of a dream I had the night before Matthew’s death where God said to me: “Your tears will water the seed.”
John 16: 20-22 “Very truly I tell you, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come, but when her baby is born, she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.”
WHAT ARE YOU THANKFUL FOR?