Fourteen Years Later: When the Body Remembers

September 9, 2026

Fourteen years ago today, my life changed forever.

My son Joshua Smith, along with Simeon Gilmore and Casey Cumberland, were senselessly murdered in our home. Three young men. Three families. Three lives that mattered. And countless lives forever changed by what happened that morning.

Today, my heart is heavy.

I have learned so much about trauma since September 9, 2012. I understand now that trauma doesn’t simply live in our memories. Our bodies remember, too. An anniversary can arrive before our conscious mind is ready for it.

And today, I feel frozen.

There are things I need to do. A book I want to finish. A doctoral degree I am working to complete. A message I am preparing to share at Unity about Whole Health, trauma, faith, and healing. There is work I believe God is still calling me to do.

But today, I am having trouble moving.

And maybe acknowledging that is part of healing too.

The losses did not end on September 9, 2012. Years later, I lost my other son, Matthew Smith. I have experienced the loss of the organization Matthew and I created together, AlaQuest Collaborative for Education (ACE), born from our desire to take the unimaginable pain of Joshua’s murder and somehow use it to prevent violence and help others. There have been other losses, disappointments and endings along the way.

Yet there has also been something else.

Impact.

That word has become increasingly important to me. It is why the book I am writing is called The Impact Statement.

The impact of one act of violence did not stop with three deaths. It rippled through families, friendships, careers, communities and generations.

But I am beginning to understand that impact can ripple in the other direction, too.

Love has impact.
Healing has impact.
Education has impact.
Service has impact.
Faith has impact.

And perhaps that is part of what Scripture means when Joseph says:

“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good.” — Genesis 50:20

I would never call what happened to Joshua, Simeon and Casey good. It was evil. I would give anything to change it.

But I believe God can take what was meant for evil and create something from its ashes that evil never intended.

Fourteen years later, I am still here.

Still learning.
Still healing.
Still asking questions.
Still trying to serve.
Still telling their stories.
Still believing their lives mattered.

And today, when I don’t feel strong enough to take the next step myself, perhaps my prayer doesn’t need to be complicated.

God, I feel frozen.
I don’t know how to move today.
So move for me.

Carry me when I cannot carry myself.

Take the pain I cannot make sense of and continue transforming it into compassion, healing, service and love.

What was meant for evil will not have the final word.

Love will.

And Joshua, Simeon, Casey—and Matthew—will continue to have an impact on this world through every life touched because they lived.

Fourteen years later, I remember.
Fourteen years later, I grieve.
Fourteen years later, I love.
And fourteen years later, I am still becoming.

— Nurse Linda Kay

In loving memory of Joshua Smith, Simeon Gilmore and Casey Cumberland.